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Chapter 129 : The last sun
The last hope of light..... faded into the darkness of despair!
The overpowering Commander.... All follows his will!!
Kyle : What's the sky turning dark suddenly.... It was shining just now....!!?
Fu : How can it be..... almost like he gathered all the sunlight...!?
1st Line: Sounds a bit awkward. Should be something like, “The light, the/their last hope…”
2nd Line: Remove the s. “All follow his will”
3rd Line: Wrong. Change to “Why is the sky (suddenly) turning dark (all of a sudden)…” Either or.
4th Line: Personal preference. “How can that be (possible)…”
Necessary. “(It’s) almost as if he gathered all (of) the sunlight…!?”
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Fu : Kyle!!! This is not turning into the night, just something blocking the sun!!
Correction. “Kyle!!! It’s not turning into night, just…!!!”
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Kyle : How can that be!!? You mean he manages to control all the light in the sky!!!
Fu : (If the sun gets blocked, then the last trump card we hold to fight on will be lost!) But we can't run away now...!? We have to fight on.... if not we'll Shao's side to danger of full attack!!
1st Line: Looks good, although the second sentence should have at least one question mark at the end.
2nd Line: Change hold on to have. “…then the last trump card we have to fight on will be lost!”
3rd Line: Maybe remove on from fight on since it was already used. Also, no verb? And better delivery. “We have to fight… if not, we’ll (leave) Shao’s side in danger of a full-on attack!!”
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Uranus : Kuu....!! Huu....uuuh...!!
Grana : Just go now 03! There's no way you'll win against this pollution!
Uranus : Too bad, but my legs doesn't exist for running away...! Like I say,,,, don't take my battle away...!
Aiming with his gun for the last time.... Shooting....
3rd Line: Change does to do and say to said, and awkward delivery. “Too bad, but my legs do not exist for running away…! Like I said…don’t take this battle away from me…!”
4th Line: Remove with. “Aiming his gun for the last time…”
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Uranus : Grana.... One of my purpose for living is to win against you, but..... sorry, I have to go now...
Purpose must be plural, since it’s one of many. “Grana… One of my purposes for living is to win against you, but”
Grana : 03!!
Fu and Kyle facing up his attack....
Change up to towards. “Fu and Kyle facing towards his attack”
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Fu : Kyle!!
Kyle : Ooh!!!
Kyle punched him.... followed by last stream by Federica...
3rd Line: Stream? That could be right…or this. “Kyle punches him…followed by Federica’s (last) attack/flame”
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Uranus : ......This place's not bad... as a final resting place....!
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The duo looked up at the sky...
Change looked to looks. “The due looks up at the sky…”
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Fu : Even if there's no sunlight.... we've got to fight on...! We'll overcome anyone approaching!!!
Grana : 03 you .... you idiot...!!
Sunlight gathering....
Grana : Resistence! If you love the sunlight that much I'll let you bath in it the last time....
Fu : !!!
1st Line: Add who and change the tense of the verb. “We’ll overcome anyone who approaches!!!”
4th Line: Spelling error and a bit of a grammar mistake. “Resistance! If you love the sunlight so much I’ll let you bathe in it (for the)/(one) last time…”
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Fu sent flying....
Add is. “Fu is sent flying”
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Kyle : Federicaaaa!!!
Grana : The last sun for you...
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Kyle : !!?
Kyle : The membrance is getting fixed...!!
Grana : (I can use Telekinesis to block the light, but that will mean I can't maneuver....)
Grana : (Junas!! Caprico!! It'll only get fixed for the short time being but I'm patching the membrance now!) (Don't let the enemy get close to me until I'm done!!)
1st Line: Spelling error most likely. “The membrane is getting fixed…!!”
3rd Line: Remove short. “It’ll only get fixed for the time being but I’m patching the membrane now!!”
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(Shiner! Stop the malfunctioning from the Neuro Tower!) (And kill any manipulating mice there!)
Shiner : (Got it....I'm already done that) (Away from the Capital, the Tower with lowest
security!) (If they're attacking they will choose that!)
Kyle : Federicaaaa!!!
1st Line: Change to malfunction. “Stop the malfunction from the Neuro Tower!”
2nd Line: Add with and the. “Got it…I’m already done with that. Away from the Capital, the Tower with the lowest security!”
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From the opening door... comes the giant....
Kyle : What's that!!!
1st Line: Don’t think “opening” should describe “door” here. A tricky fix. How did you do it? Maybe, “from the menacing/intimidating/ominous door” instead?
2nd Line: Again, there should be a question mark here.
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(Art: Monster coming out…)
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Junas : There's only a dozen of seconds of sunlight and pollution density is
low - just attack as we like! But watch out for the track where Grana
attacked, and stay away from that!
Caprica : Oh oh! Hoy! Nice, Go everyone!!!
Caprico : Don!!
1st Line: Change is to are, remove of, add the, and change we to you. “There are only a dozen seconds of sunlight (at a time) and the pollution density is low – (so) just attack as you like!”
Also, watch out and stay away from have a similar meaning here, so maybe this could work: “Just stay away from the track where Grana attacked.”
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Kyle : Oh no!
From the space resembling the base...
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Delboro : Junas sama has started the attack, we'll support Odo!!
Delboro : Odo? (Delboro says this in the middle panel of this page)
Odo : Grana can't move, and Junas is weakening from the pollution, and Caprico has started attack too - the stage is ready...
3rd Line: Add an or to. “…and Caprico has started an/to attack too – the stage is ready…”
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Delboro punched.... and helmet broke....
Delboro : Who are you!
Odo : Mochitsuki Oboro.
The lost friend.... Oboro, is here...!!
1st Line: I personally prefer the present tense here. Do you? “Delboro punches… and the helmet breaks…”
2nd Line: Same as before. Needs a question mark.
Anything I didn’t cover looks fine by me
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